Each year, just before Christmas, is Yule. Yule takes place and is celebrated on December 21st or 22nd in the northern hemisphere and marks the winter solstice. It is the longest night of the year before the days gradually start to get longer again. Yule is a pagan holiday, though many of its traditions have carried over into other winter holidays like Christmas. It is all about celebrating the return of light and warmth after the winter solstice, thus most of its traditions revolve around fire, light, and feasting. It is a time to take stock of the year and consider the things you’d like to leave behind with the cold and the things you’d like to carry forward with you into the warmth. It’s about aligning yourself with the seasonal cycles, gratitude, reflection, and more. As someone who is non-religious, it has been a bit of a struggle for me to access my spirituality and figure out what works for me. In witchcraft and paganism, I have found what I believe aligns best with me. So, this year on Yule I sat down to reflect on the past year, my gratitude, darkness, light, spirituality, and more. Here, I would like to share my reflections. What you will find below is a list of some reflection questions along with my answers, they were originally journaled on Yule and then lightly expanded upon and edited later. For privacy’s sake, I have left out the names of my loved ones.
Reflecting on the Past Year
- What challenges have I overcome this year, and what lessons have I learned? The biggest challenge I have overcome the this year is the challenge of being too scared to put myself out there socially. Throughout this year, I made a concerted effort to stop pining for the social life I want and instead go out and get it. I have learned that what I want to do and who I want to be is attainable if I only just try. Failure is okay and I can always try again.
- What moments brought me the most joy, comfort, or fulfillment? Each moment when I felt included and entrenched in community. Each time I held a loved one close. All the times I made new memories with new and beautiful connections. Each time I let myself go and just was present in a moment. Every single moment of losing myself in some music on a dance floor. Every time I went out for a walk in my new neighbourhood at night and had the opportunity to take in my surroundings and feel satisfied in knowing that this is my life and I am here.
- How have I grown emotionally, spiritually, or creatively in the past year? I have grown in many ways. I have started a more serious spiritual practice over the year, doing my best to enrich my soul and find fulfillment. I have strived towards satisfying my desires for social interaction and belonging. I have stepped one step closer to being my ideal self and for that I am proud. Now, towards the end of the year I feel ready to embark on a new creative journey and really strive to push myself. Emotionally, at times I feel like I must be backsliding for feeling anything like the ways I used to when I was doing worse. I realize that this is me forgetting that it’s okay to still feel these ways and, in fact, very normal. I ultimately think that the way I handle my emotions is much better than any time before and I am still growing even through times of nearly physically painful strong emotions.
- Which relationships in my life have flourished, and which may need more attention or boundaries? My relationships with the new people in my life have really blossomed in the last few months, especially with someone in particular I feel very close to now. I am very excited to continue allowing these relationships to grow. Frankly, I do need to attend to my existing relationships (friends, family, or otherwise) more as working maintain existing connections is important. Still, I do attend to my relationship more than I used to at times so I have a foundation to work through. I find that I sometimes have difficulty spreading my time and managing many connections and that the negative parts of my own self-image and anxieties can get in the way of me reaching out to others as much as I’d like. This is something I’d like to work on more.
- What was the most significant thing I let go of this year? My fear of just going out and having fun. I let go of my social and romantic inhibitions and I sought out connections in a way I never had before. I can say I feel so much more fulfilled and less lonely this way.
Gratitude and Blessings
- What am I most grateful for as the year comes to a close? I am grateful for community. This year one thing I made a point to do was really join my community and entrench myself in queerness. By taking part in events and going out to performances and community parties, my life has been so much more enjoyable and I have felt belonging.
- Who or what has supported me, and how can I show my appreciation? My partner, and my mother. Many other family and friends have been around too, but these two have been the most notable. For my partner I can give him quality time, words of encouragement, emotional support, and affection. With my mom, I can call and put in effort to maintain our relationship though I no longer live with her.
- What resources, opportunities, or skills helped me navigate this year? My self awareness, my support system, my job, my vacation to New York, my community, dating apps, and more.
Embracing the Darkness
- What fears, doubts, or limiting beliefs still linger in my life? I often fear I’ll be both too much and not enough. I think that I’ll overload people and scare them at times and then other times I fear I’ll be too inhibited, too bland for others. I limit myself by not seeing myself as a person that someone could make their fascination and world. I doubt that people see me in nearly as favourable ways as I see others. I limit myself by wanting to always be good, always be perfect, always be ideal. If I were to understand and let myself be okay with failing in my quests to learn then maybe I’d go somewhere.
- How can I honour the quieter, more introspective parts of myself? I can give myself the space and time to really consider my strengths and weaknesses. I can consider my actions and who I want to be and whether they can align. I can make adjustments and change the ways I have that no longer serve me.
- What does the darkness teach me about rest, renewal, and self-compassion? It teaches me that the shadow is necessary for light. Quietness, coldness, heaviness, and gloom are all natural and important for us to feel and go through no matter how uncomfortable at times. We are equal parts dark and light and we need to stop making judgements on our feelings and instead give them what they need. Rest is important when in these times to nurture and care for ourselves thus leading to renewal.
Welcoming the Light
- What hopes or intentions do I want to carry into the coming year? I have hopes to continue deepening the bonds I most care for. I deeply desire to be more creative and to take more risks. I intend to radiate confidence, love, creativity, strength, and more. I will allow myself to stumble and I will stay the course. I intend to, as always, be unapologetically and loudly myself.
- How can I invite more light, joy, and balance into my life? I can notice the things that loosen me up. I can pay attention to when I feel at ease and what brings me joy. I can do more of the things that excite me by really being in a moment rather than spending all my time thinking. I can spend more time with my favourite people and share in our lives. I can also pay attention to my need for rest and balance my time wisely to allow for it.
- What seeds of potential am I ready to nurture in the coming months? The seeds of potential for fulfilling, deep, special, and inspiring connections as well as the seeds of motivation and creativity.
- How can I celebrate the return of longer days and brighter energy? By doing at least one thing a day that brings me joy even if it’s small. I can spend time with those I love and relish quality time. I can spend time outside when I see the sun. I can take walks and make sure to ask myself what I notice and feel in my senses. I can be mindful and present in moments of quiet out in the world.
Spiritual Connection
- How can I deepen my connection with nature during this season? I can find places to walk in more wooded areas. I can go outside for fresh air. I can smell the pine. I can eat seasonal fruits and vegetables. I can find a quite serene place to sit, ideally by a river or lake.
- What messages might the earth, sun, or my deities have for me at this time? (Here when I mention Greek deities, I speak of them less as gods I actually believe exist and more as personifications of concepts that I can connect to, I find it valuable in my spiritual practice.) The Earth and Sun want me to pay attention to the natural order of things and the cycles to remember the need to align myself with them for harmony. Aphrodite tells me to nurture the love in my life with all the ways I know how, and not just with others but also myself. Persephone reminds me of the need for darkness and that the light will come. She says to nurture and pay attention to my more shadowy self.
- How can I honour the cycles of life and the turning of the wheel? I can remind myself of the up and down cyclical nature of life and that even when I feel a down or up is too much that it’s only the way of the world. If I’m in the dumps or things seem as if they’re going backwards then I can remember that soon I will move towards a renewed sense of security and self knowledge. And of course, eventually I will wind down again to return to inner work and rest.
Personal Rituals and Traditions
- What personal rituals or traditions bring me comfort and meaning during Yule? I enjoy spending time warm and cozy in my home. It can feel right to spend time with family and friends, loved ones to share in warmth on the longest night of the year. Lighting a candle, reflecting as I am now, and taking time to sit in myself is wonderful. Feasting and taking part in fun activities with those I love brings us together and amplifies the coming light and warmth.
- How can I create space for joy and magic in my celebrations this year? I can bond with my family, I can take time for myself. I can light candles, turn on the lights of my tree and village, and eat or drink festive or seasonal foods. I can have gratitude. I can take special time to make sure I am enjoying myself and attending to all my celebration needs.