The above image was taken in 2020, amidst lockdowns and peak loneliness

Intro

These days, options for communication and expression are perhaps as open-ended and expansive as they have ever been. If people want to share, share they will. We use a wide variety of methods and platforms to share our ideas. It follows that in theory, connection amongst people should be at an all time high. When we look closer though, we often find people feeling more isolated than ever before. We can chalk this up to a lot of things for sure, but I’m not really here to discuss the causes of the disconnect I feel often plagues our society (or at the very least, it plagues me). Instead, I want to talk about the impacts mainly through the lens of personal experience. This won’t be anything you’ve never heard before, just one person’s own thoughts and experiences shared with you. 

Vulnerability and Intimacy, Where?

One impact of the growing lack of connectedness is a lowered sense of vulnerability and intimacy shared between others. The way I see it, people are less quick to open up to others and really share who they are. You may be thinking, “Are you sure? Because I see people openly sharing all the time, you among them”. Okay, yeah, maybe people do share a ton given the opportunities they now have to broadcast their thoughts, feelings, likes, and dislikes online to a wide audience. Some people share less than others, of course, but amongst those who do share themselves online there are plenty of people who “bare all”. Never mind the fact that the sharing people do online is immensely curated. See, what I think people often forget about is that even those who seem to share the most (perhaps me for example, I often give people a very detailed glimpse into my mental illness) are picking and choosing what to share and, maybe more importantly, how to share it. Each post a person makes is considered and filtered, and only what doesn’t make a person feel exposed is shared. In my case, I share a lot of things that maybe others would not, but it’s important to remember that even when what I share seems like a lot, really it’s something I’m very comfortable with and something that doesn’t make me feel a sense of vulnerability or intimacy with those I share it with. Is this a bad thing? Well, for me anyway, yes. See, what can all too easily happen is the feeling that if you are sharing something others might consider vulnerable then you are, in fact, being vulnerable. It can allow you to forgo real vulnerability for false vulnerability, which allows you to remain guarded and ultimately lonely. For those with a thriving social life offline, this may not be such a problem. For people like me (those who struggle with building and maintaining a social circle), however, it becomes something that makes us feel almost even more lonely than before. There’s no sense of opening up and there’s no sense of connection.

Distance, Both Physical and Social

Another way we often feel this societal connection issue, is through the distance we often put between ourselves. With tools like the internet, we often feel like distance from others is a mitigated issue. We can call, text, and otherwise connect with people all across the world. I’m not saying this isn’t something incredibly useful and fortunate for us to have, it is something that allows us to keep touch despite distance. The problem comes, however, when we make the mistake of thinking that this connection suffices on its own. It is easier to speak to others sometimes through our screens, whether that be because of the extra time texting allows us to think or because of the extra convenience we have to be able to fit in our friends at any time instead of planning to meet in person. In my case, now nearly all of my relationships are maintained solely online. In my reality, this means most of my relationships are, in fact, barely maintained at all due to my own social difficulties and anxieties. Regardless of whether we are making use of our technology often to stay connected with friends or whether it is rare for us to do so, we can’t deny that the highest degree of connection and community is felt in person. There’s just something about being with people in the flesh, interacting with them is much more real and much less filtered. 

Homogenized Groups

I think another big issue we have as a result of a growing lack of connection in society, is the tendency for us to build very homogenized online communities. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the online possibility for finding, hearing from, and reaching out to people all around the world that share things in common with us. For example, connecting with wider bipolar and autistic communities online has been an incredibly valuable thing for me as I can feel less lonely in knowing I share experiences others when I maybe don’t get this in my day to day life offline. Additionally, people find community amongst fan spaces online which can be a wonderful way to share enthusiasm for pieces of media with others. The problem is, it can be easy to surround yourself with only your own communities and micro-communities within those communities. This can make it so you’re only really seeing ideas and the like shared amongst all people like you. This can be both amazing and terrible, as you get to engage with other like minded individuals, but you also don’t often get challenged or an opportunity to see a wider diversity in people. Offline spaces are different, you interact with much more varied groups and walks of life. This is much more ultimately stimulating, as it brings new perspectives and opportunities to connect with those you might not have on your own (especially online). Some of the greatest experiences come from seeing all that life has to offer and that includes encountering all different walks of life and learning from them. 

Conclusion

There may be even more consequences of the growing lack of connection we see today in society, and there are certainly many causes. As we can see though, people are becoming more and more lonely (or at least I am) and more and more frustrated with that (again, I certainly am). Fixing this will take work, as all things do, and that work may be slow. I think, at least, that it is a positive start for us to really be thinking about and naming our dissatisfactions. We should take the time to think about how much we need and truly value connection, and also put our finger on why exactly we’re not getting it. Recognition is where shifts start, because without recognition we don’t see the problem that needs shifting. Once we place further emphasis on how important connection is to us, the more we will forge community again. People need people, and we always will.